Waiting…

Waiting.  It seems like I spend more than 1/2 of my life waiting for something. Waiting for the train to pass so I can cross the tracks when I’m already late.  Waiting for a doctor’s appointment when the doctor insists his/her patients be there 5 – 15 minutes prior to their appointment time and then waiting until one-half of an hour after the designated time to actually get taken “back” to see the doc.  Waiting in lines – at the market, the post office, the DMV… waiting.  Waiting to feel better, waiting to go to sleep, waiting for the internet – which lately is slower and slower.  Waiting for a call to be returned, waiting for lab results, waiting for the cable guy to show up.  Waiting for the Obamacare website to actually work; waiting to see if I’ll have insurance for the month of December; waiting for my current COBRA insurance to run out at the end of November; waiting to get through this terrible pain from losing my husband, the love of my life, my soul mate (really – my soul mate); waiting for a waitress/waiter to come and take my order because I wasn’t ready the first time they asked, and then they seem to forget I’m actually sitting at the table.  Waiting for a bus, waiting to board a flight that is late, waiting to get off the plane once it lands and pulls up to the gait.  Waiting for the ducks in my “backyard lake” to figure out I don’t have food for them and for them to get off my patio that they keep messing up.  Waiting for paint to dry and grass to grow.  Waiting to see if the plant I brought home will actually live, because I don’t have green thumbs… more like black.  Waiting for time to simply pass because sometimes, without my husband here with me, it seems like it just goes on and on.

At the moment I’m waiting for my daughter to deliver her first baby.  She’s been in labor since about 4:00 p.m. yesterday and now it’s 1:15 p.m. today – Sunday.  This baby was already 5 days late, and today is 6 days.  So I’m waiting to find out when I’ll be a Nana for the third time. 

This is my second daughter’s 1st baby.  They opted for a birthing center birth, which is maybe a good thing.  If she’d gone to a hospital, they probably would have done a c-section by now, or started pitocin or something to stimulate her contractions; she and her husband did not want that.  As long as the baby isn’t stressed, this is birth.  This is how women have been giving birth for hundred’s of years – waiting.  Waiting to get pregnant in some cases, waiting for labor to start, waiting for each contraction to be over, waiting for labor to end.  Waiting for that new little life to come on out and say “hi!” to the world.  With this daughter, I was in labor for 22 hours, and she still wouldn’t engage her head (she never dropped into my pelvis, therefore my cervix would not dilate), and I did end up having a c-section birth.  But when I held her in my arms for the first time, and she just looked at me, it was all so worth it. And when she finally gets to hold her new son in her arms, it will be worth it.

But for now, we’re all just waiting…